


Thorn in My Flesh

by deliriumbubbles



Series: Broken Arrow [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 00:50:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6032173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliriumbubbles/pseuds/deliriumbubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bitter, post divorce Kurt crashes into a Valentine’s display in the market and runs into his ex-fiance’s new fiancé. Struggling to cope with the holiday, Kurt gives Adam a call.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thorn in My Flesh

Kurt stood in the middle of the market, basket hanging from his arm, as his ears began to burn. Around him lay the remains of the store’s once ornate Valentine’s display.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Kurt muttered, looking at the carnage of cute fluffy animals holding hearts and boxes of chocolates.

People were staring. Kurt wanted to vomit. Or stomp on the garish trappings of pseudo-romance scattered around his feet.

“Wow. Can I help?” said one of the store’s clerks from behind.

Kurt felt his insides turn to ice water. It was Tobias. The svelte, doll-faced piece of ass Blaine had left him for.

“Um. Sure.”

Tobias knelt down and started scooping up boxes of chocolates. “Don’t worry about it, man. I know the guy who set this up, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t put it together with his whole ass.”

“Huh.” Kurt wondered if it was possible to have sudden, irrevocable paralysis. He continued to stare at the twink that had taken his philandering husband and turned him into the marrying kind once again. Then, slowly, he lowered himself to collect the stuffed animals.

“Nothing broke. It could’ve been those mugs over there.” Tobias looked at one of the bears. “It’s kind of a miracle that we move all this stuff every year.”

“It’s a scam,” Kurt muttered. “Not that I’m against chocolate by any means.”

Tobias chuckled. “I know, right? My fiancé has such a sweet tooth.”

“Yeah.” Kurt swallowed and deposited the animals on the shelf. “My ex loved Valentine’s so much that he decided that was our anniversary. It wasn’t. We’d broken up before that, because he’s a cheating asshole, but on Valentine’s Day we were both drunk and lonely at a wedding. We didn’t even get back together, but he decided, in retrospect, that we had gotten back together at Valentine’s Day. So once we did get back together, we had to celebrate VD every year as though it was this big thing, and not just a hook-up that he refused to recognize as just a hook-up.”

Tobias laughed again as he started to sort the boxes. “What a _douche_.”

“You have no idea.”

“Is that why you dumped him?”

“I didn’t. After he got tired of cheating with every thing that moved, he fell _in love_ with someone else.” Kurt couldn’t breathe. He had to get out of here. How had the forces of the universe converged to force him to be here at this moment, talking to this perfect specimen of a man?

“Geez.” Tobias shook his head. “I’ve had some messed up exes, but that’s a kind of special.”

“You…” Kurt forced air into his lungs. “You lose pieces of yourself. You set boundaries, and he walks over them, and you lose piece after piece because you love him… Until there’s nothing left.”

Tobias stared at Kurt for a long moment.

Kurt pursed his lips. “Whoever he is… You have to remember that you need _yourself_ a lot more than you need _him_.” He touched his lips, then set down his basket. “Sorry, I have to go.”

He left the market in his wake, not looking back once. He was about a block away before he felt like he could breathe again. And he realized that Blaine had taken Valentine’s Day from him, too.

It would never be the same. Kurt had once been a romantic, and _optimist_ , even. He had once been the kind of guy to watch romantic movies with his girlfriends on Valentine’s and sit around planning what he would do for his boyfriend on the special day. Once he _had_ a boyfriend, of course. These plans involved elaborate home-cooked meals, stuffed animals of unusual sizes, couples’ classes at some learning annex, and trips to exciting _Eat, Pray, Love_ type locales.

But Kurt never had that. Not ever. Though, it had been everything Kurt had ever wanted. While Blaine had danced with him the year before at the junior prom, once he’d transferred, he’d been pretty stingy with the PDA in the halls of McKinley. So Kurt had gone without and accepted that they would have to wait until New York to really show how they felt… And then Valentine’s Day had come, and Kurt was over the freaking moon.

Kurt had sent Blaine flowers and cute things at his house and planned to come over and make him dinner. He’d planned a song, and every moment of their evening. When all the little gifts had started arriving at school, Kurt had been _thrilled_. Not only did he have a _boyfriend_ , but a _devoted_ one, one that thought of him and had no trouble showing it in front of the whole school.

Then it had turned out that all the gifts and thoughtful messages had come from David Karofsky. Blaine had never ended up sending Kurt anything (“Love Shack” did NOT count) or doing anything special, just the two of them. They had spent their night at Breadstix at the party. Blaine hadn’t wanted to leave. He was having a good time. And so Kurt’s first real Valentine’s Day had been a non-starter.

After that, well. There was the wedding the following year. The year after that, although Blaine had made big plans, Kurt was too sore after getting his skull cracked to really enjoy anything. He’d spent most of the night keeping Blaine from exacerbating his injuries. Blaine had started acting like Valentine’s Day was a big deal, but it somehow never managed to be romantic. It was always rife with stress, insinuation, and expectation.

Now, Kurt was just tired of the holiday. He was tired of everything and everyone in his life. He didn’t even answer the phone for his family anymore.

He reached the park and sat down on an open bench. Of course, this Valentine’s Day, Blaine would be spending it with his new fiancé.

And Kurt was alone. Again.

He wasn’t sure who he felt sorrier for: himself or Tobias.

—

Kurt perched on the side of a fountain, holding his phone up to snap shots of the water as it fell. It was early in the morning, and the rising sun had splattered the sky with pinks and blues.

He remembered coming out to the parks when he’d first moved to New York. It had been a little frightening to spend time out on his own in such a big city, though he’d never shied from it. Even during their Nationals trip, Kurt had been eager to go out and explore. Walking through the parks, reading there or eating his breakfast or lunch while getting work done, or even just getting in a walk while watching all the different kinds of people pass by.

Sometimes, it had been men. Who did not pass by so much as give him a once-over before asking him for his number, and once or twice, if he knew where the closest men’s room was. He hadn’t taken the men up on their interest, but it had been tempting. Thrilling. The freedom of being on his own. The feeling of being wanted. Of knowing he could do anything, or any one, he wanted to.

How short-lived that had been.

Kurt breathed in and out as he framed up the next shot. Bleeding sky, buildings in the background. Maybe no one would ever care to look at his Instagram, but taking these pictures, manipulating them on his computer, it was the purest thing he had left in his life. It was utterly unconnected to any of the people who declared themselves his friends and family, and it helped him breathe.

As Kurt began looking for another possible shot, he felt himself jerked to the side. He turned his head to see a man pulling on his messenger bag. But it was hanging across his body and wouldn’t come loose.

The man let go suddenly and sped away, screaming, “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!”

“Well. If you were _going_ to learn only three words in English,” Kurt muttered. “Those would be good words to learn. Also, possibly, ‘bathroom.'” He patted over himself to make sure the thief hadn’t gotten anything.

“Kurt! Are you all right?” chimed a familiar British voice.

Kurt looked up to see Adam hurrying up to him. “Hey, Adam.”

“I saw what just happened! Did he get anything?”

“Nope.” Kurt shrugged. “Luckily, I don’t think he had the cunning to grab my valuables while creating a distraction. Just desperate, probably.”

“Well, good.” Adam’s shoulders bowed forward, and he slipped his hands in his pockets.

“What are you doing out here? Don’t you have some fan signings, or some indie film to be shooting?”

“What? No, I was on my way out to see you, actually. So I was in the neighborhood, and I thought I spotted you in the park here… I remembered that you said you liked coming here.”

“I do. Still do, even with half-hearted attempts on my person and property.”

Adam smiled. “How are you doing?”

“In this high holy season of enforced romance? _Peachy_.”

Out of some misguided sense of pride, Kurt had told Adam upfront that they wouldn’t be sleeping together. Instead of scaring Adam away, he seemed determined to linger indefinitely in Kurt’s life. It had actually been easier to get rid of Adam back when he’d wanted him to stay.

“It is all a bit forced, isn’t it?“

“Hm.” Kurt rubbed his mouth and shrugged. “I was just out getting some air. I’ve been unpacking since I got up, and it’s a bit claustrophobic, in spite of the lack of furniture.”

“Would you like some help?”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that.”

“It’s not a problem. I’d like to help, if I can do so.” Adam looked back down the path, then followed as Kurt started walking.

“I couldn’t afford a real moving company to arrange everything. You can be my workhorse if you really want to.”

Adam grinned. “It’s what I’m good at.”

“That and being a fabulously famous television actor.”

“In the UK,” Adam scoffed. He slipped his hands into his pockets.

“Oh, as if every Whovian in the whole world doesn’t have a picture of Cadence’s abs up on their wall these days.”

“Nice to know my best work is appreciated.”

Kurt smiled.

Adam followed Kurt back to his new apartment, and together they set out to get enough boxes unpacked so that Kurt could get from room to room. The building was old, but it was clean, and Kurt felt grateful for having found it. When Blaine had first moved them out of the loft, he’d selected a place without Kurt’s approval, locking them in for a year in a _worse_ neighborhood with a billion cockroaches for roommates. Luckily, Blaine’s parents had been willing to get their lawyer to intervene, and his father had come up to supervise the selection of the next apartment, with plenty of thinly veiled commentary on the capacity of young men under twenty-five to run their own household. And that was how Kurt learned what Blaine’s father had thought of their quickie marriage.

Grateful to be vermin free in more way than one, Kurt settled in to some boring unpacking and comfortable conversation about senior year at NYADA, the latest drama with the Apples, and what it was like working on the set of the New New Doctor Who.

“Aw.” Adam stood over a box in the space between the kitchen and the living room.

“What did you find? Was it Margaret Thatcher dog? I liberated her from Blaine. I decided he didn’t deserve her. He let her suffer alone under his bed for practically forever!”

“Margaret Thatcher?” Adam chuckled. “No.” He held up a small poster.

Yellow. Red. With a large apple in the middle with teeth and a uvula and a silhouetted figure singing. It was the poster that the Adam’s Apples had used for advertising back when Kurt was a freshman.

“Oh. That.” Kurt turned back to his box and started unpacking books.

“That,” Adam repeated. “I can’t believe you still have this.”

“You make it sound so intense.” Kurt shrugged. “I liked the design. It’s very bright. It adds to the energy of the room. I think there are actually two of them in there.”

“It adds so much that you need two?” Adam pressed. “You really must like the design.”

Kurt dusted his hands off on his pants and turned to look at Adam. “Actually, no, I never really liked the design that much. It’s kind of creepy. I mean, is the apple _eating_ that guy? Is that supposed to be violent or symbolically perverted?”

Adam laughed and set the poster on the bar of the kitchen. “Maybe I didn’t design it. I bet Jinx did mean it to be perverted. We’ve been at this for two hours-”

“If you need to go, I understand. You’ve already helped a lot.”

“I don’t know why you keep trying to push me away, when you’ve obviously kept us around. I can’t imagine Blaine was that enamored of these posters.”

“He didn’t know what they were for.” Kurt walked over to the counter. “I never told him about The Apples, though he knew there was an Adam, and I guess Rachel never mentioned it either, since she never really approved of my joining. If he had known what this was, you can bet that he would have arranged some kind of tragic accident for them.”

Adam’s lips down-turned. “Ah. Well, I was just saying, we’ve been at this for some time. Would you like me to pick up lunch?”

Kurt ran his finger over the outside of the apple in the poster. “No, I um… I need to get ready for work.”

“All right. I’ll be going, then.” Adam put his hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “If you need anything, let me know?”

Kurt made a noncommittal noise to go along with his noncommittal head motion.

-

Kurt swung by his tables to top off drinks before heading up to the stage. Somehow, unlike the rest of his world, the diner seemed to see him as a singular talent. He found himself getting on the stage three or four times each shift, from personal requests as well as the management simply scheduling him during dead air to do numbers. He wished this recognition would result in something more than a slight increase in tips, but so far, it just meant doing more karaoke type numbers on a daily basis.

Since it was around Valentine’s Day, Kurt found himself singing the top 20 most annoying romantic songs of all time. He’d done three Whitney Houston songs so far this week (it was getting popular just to request Kurt and list a specific female artist), including “I Have Nothing.” Honestly, he couldn’t even explain to himself why he’d ever sung that song to Blaine. Desperation, maybe. An abjectly low sense of self-esteem.

“Tell me I’m singing something upbeat,” Kurt begged James, who was the head of the back-up band on most days.

“Well, technically.” James moved the request sheet to where Kurt could see it.

“Save me,” Kurt muttered. “Okay.”

He walked up to the microphone. “All right, everybody! We have a request for 'Love Story’ for Angelica from D'shawn. 'Princess, it’s been three long years. I think it’s safe to say we’ve found our happy ending.’ Aw.”

Kurt closed his eyes as the music started. He’d never been big into T-Swift. If anything, these days he was a Bad Blood/Shake if Off type, but if he’d followed her in her early days, his teenage self would have probably eaten this shit up.

 _And you were everything to me_  
I was begging you, “Please don’t go”  
And I said…

 _Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone._  
I’ll be waiting; all that’s left to do is run.  
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess,  
It’s a love story, baby, just say, “Yes”.

It was actually a little easier to get through these songs if he closed his eyes and remembered that sweet, silly sixteen year old who had followed Finn around like a puppy. He’d wanted so much to be loved, unconditionally by someone. _Anyone_.

The people at the diner seemed to be insatiable tonight. Following Taylor Swift, there was Savage Garden, The Calling, Louis Armstrong. Finally, Kurt was able to slip away to check on his tables. Thankfully, his coworkers had been keeping an eye out while he was up there. When he swung by, more than one couple thanked him for making their meal so romantic.

“It’s my mission this year. Make the season as magical and special for as many people as possible.” Kurt smiled and whipped out his notepad to take their dessert order.

As tiring as it was, working three jobs while trying to finish his program, Kurt kept telling himself that, at the end, he would be grateful. He would have accomplished something that no one from the McKinley group had managed: start and _finish_ training in their field. Rachel might be in LA living it up, becoming a part of the Hollywood elite… but she had been flunking out before she’d quit. Blaine had washed out, too. No one else had really tried higher education in the arts. Of course, Mercedes hadn’t needed additional education, and when she really needed it, she hired a vocal specialist to fine tune her already amazing instrument. She knew what to do to keep herself working strong.

Perhaps, that could be Kurt’s new defining personality trait. No longer a romantic. A workaholic.

“Good evening! I’ll… be…” Kurt tried to catch his breath as he saw Tobias sitting in the window booth. “Your chorus boy waiter. Hi. Again. _How_?”

“You have a really amazing voice. Like, _crazy_ amazing.” Tobias shook his head. “I wanted to check out this place. My fiancé suggested we come here for Valentine’s Day.”

Kurt made a noise in his throat. Blaine was such a manipulative little weasel. “He did. Wow. Um. You know what? You should tell him to stop being weird and cheap and take you someplace really nice. It’s _Valentine’s Day_ for God’s sake.”

Tobias laughed. “How do you know he can afford it?”

“Our burgers aren’t exactly cheap. There are more romantic places to go that are roughly at the same price point. Besides-” Kurt pointed at Tobias’ hand. “-that ring.”

“Oh, yeah. I don’t even wear it at work.” Tobias held the his hand out. “It’s really nice. I never expected him to propose so soon.”

“Ahh. _Okay_. Well.” Kurt swallowed and handed him a menu. “While you’re here, do you want to try out some of our dishes? Our Alfredo is excellent. And people do love our burger. And the Ruben.”

“Hm. I guess I should try it out. He just seemed to think this would be a great place to go. Maybe he wanted to get up and sing me a song?” Tobias looked at the menu.

“We don’t allow random people to get up on the stage anymore.” Kurt tried to sound as friendly about this as possible, although internally, he was cringing at the thought of whatever soppy romantic number Blaine had planned to bleat up on that stage, partially to his fiancé, and partially to make sure his ex-husband was as miserable as possible.. “It’s an insurance thing. You should let him know that, if he’s planning something. It would probably be better for him to arrange things with the restaurant he books beforehand.”

“That’s a good idea. He’s not so good about planning ahead, you know? He just does his thing, and then what happens, happens.”

“I can come back, if you need a minute,” Kurt said.

“Nah. I’ll just have a veggie burger. With sweet potato fries and a Diet Coke.” Tobias smiled up at Kurt and handed the menu back.

“Ah, yes. The Diet Coke calls to me as well. Do you want cheese on the veggie burger? We have cheddar, havarti, fontina, brie…”

“Brie? On a burger?” Tobias grimaced.

“It’s good. Brie is creamy, when it’s cooked.”

Tobias covered his mouth and shuddered. “It tastes like _cum_.”

“ _What_?” Kurt held his hands up. “Okay, I don’t know what kind of 'brie’ you’ve been eating, but I’m pretty sure someone tricked you into eating jizz on a cracker.”

Tobias howled. “I’m _dying._ You are freakin’ hilarious! _And_ you’re super cute and you sing like an angel. Are you dating anybody right now? No, right? Because of all the anti-VD pain?”

“Oh, um. I’m on a break from guys right now.”

“I know people of varying genders who would _love_ you.” Tobias shrugged. “Think about it. Just because your last boyfriend was a dick doesn’t mean other people should go without your presence.”

“Husband,” Kurt said before he could stop himself.

“What?” Tobias leaned in.

Kurt sighed. “He was my husband. I was married. Or…” He narrowed his eyes. “I _am_ married, and we’re waiting for the paperwork to become official. We still have to sit down with our lawyers and talk out assets, or whatever.”

“Ugh. That’s the gross part about it all, huh. When it ends. I’m so sorry, hon.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get your burger.”

“Maybe I’ll put in a song for you that’s not so sappy,” Tobias offered.

Kurt pointed at Tobias. “Don’t tease me. I’m a man on the edge.”

Tobias grinned.

Kurt shook his head as he headed for the kitchen.

—

The moment Kurt clocked out on Valentine’s Day, he stuffed his apron into his locker, picked up the cheesecake Andre had set aside for him, and motored out of the diner. He’d switched shifts with Kayla ( even though their current manager Arne had wanted Kurt serenading the evening shift), just in case Blaine had decided to torture his current partner with the awkwardness of going out for the holiday to his ex-husband’s workplace.

Kurt had been betting that Blaine would rather have breakfast in bed or cronuts than come out for brunch, and he’d been correct.

Safely free, Kurt returned to his sad little apartment, put the cheesecake in the fridge for later, and then sat on the floor, propped up by boxes, and wondered what he should do with the rest of his day. He’d gotten the reading for his dramaturgy class taken care of a few days early. He didn’t have to start his Personal Intersections essay for his acting class for another week. And he didn’t have a tv.

  
That meant either wandering around in the neighborhood looking for something to do, or unpacking boxes.

Instead, Kurt flopped on the mattress on his floor and took a nap.

Unfortunately, as nice as it was to recharge a bit during the day, he couldn’t nap forever, and woke up around four-thirty.

“Dammit,” he muttered. He looked at his phone almost accusingly.

There were a few messages there. One from his father, which he skimmed past. One from Kayla.

“ENJOY YOUR VD!” she shouted at him from text message land.

He smiled, slightly. With a sigh, he dragged himself out of bed, muttering that he needed to get a cat or something, stripping off his clothes as he went to the shower.

With a little growl, Kurt turned the hot water on and off. Sometimes his hot water supply depended on how much his neighbors had used. It made him wonder why they were continuously showering. Did they have OCD? Did they do their dishes in their freakin’ bathtub?

Kurt came out of the shower, buffing his hair gently with a towel, and strode around the apartment naked, looking for his phone. He’d had it when he’d woken up. Right?

He paused in the kitchen and set out some low sugar almond milk and a few bags of frozen fruits and vegetables. He leaned back against the counter, looking down at himself. Kurt hadn’t ever been vain, but starting his sophomore year at NYADA, he’d begun to realize that his body was changing, maturing, becoming both lithe and strong. He started to become the kind of man he would be attracted to.

Blaine had hated it.

Kurt wished he had someone around to appreciate him wandering nude around his apartment. Alas. He seemed fated to disappointment.

His eyes caught sight of yellow and red on his counter. Kurt picked up the Adam’s Apple poster.

Why should he wish for someone to spend time with, when he knew how it would end? He had better accuracy than tea leaves or a crystal ball with this shit. Kurt would drive Adam away. Or Adam would leave for someone else.

Probably the former. Kurt had been pushing Adam away since they’d met.

His fruit was dethawing. Kurt assembled his smoothie and put the tumbler on the Magic!Blend. He listened to the whirring sounds, took the tumbler off, shook it, and then pressed it down again.

Kurt sipped his smoothie as he walked back into his bedroom where he went to the window and looked out on the city below.

“I don’t like cities,” Kurt sang. “But I love New York. Other places make me feel like a dork. Los Angeles is for people who sleep. And Rachel.”

He shook his head.

“Not your best, Mads.”

He spotted his phone on top of a box near the bathroom door. With a frown, he took it, pinched his lips to the side, and selected a number.

“Hullo?”

“Hi, Adam! I didn’t expect you to answer so quickly. I figured, you’re doing something today, right? I just wanted to see if you were available sometime this week.”

“I’m free tonight,” Adam said cheerfully.

“Really. How’s that possible?”

“Galentine’s Day was yesterday. All my other friends in the city are tragically partnered.”

“Hm.”

“I mean-”  
  


“Don’t worry about it. So what do you want to do?”

“You didn’t have anything in mind?”

Kurt shrugged and stretched his arms over his head. “Honestly, I just want a reason to put pants on.”

“Oh…”

“How about I come over to wherever you are, and we can wander around together? We can find a Valentine’s Day adventure, or something. And if that doesn’t work… I can bring some horror movies over and we’ll watch them and eat cheesecake. I have the most _gorgeous_ strawberry and white chocolate cheesecake. It would be a shame if I had to eat by myself… a shame for my figure, anyway.”

“Ooo. Well, as much as I would like to go out on this lovely day of capitalist social guilt-tripping, I think I’d love the cheesecake.”

Kurt laughed. “Okay. Lemme get dressed, and I’ll be over in a few.”

—

Adam wasn’t dressed for going out. Kurt had coiffed his hair, put on a tight blue shirt, tighter black pants, and  a long coat and scarf. He’d shown up with his movies and cheesecake to be greeted with Adam’s tousled blond hair and torn jeans.

“Hey!” Adam looked down at the cheesecake Kurt was holding. “Oh. That’s… nice.”

His finger circled around in the swirl of strawberry-flavored hearts. Over the top was a light latticework of white chocolate.

“You like?” Kurt said. “I traded a night of personal tailoring of Andre’s drag outfits for it.”

“Clever.” Adam indicated his head toward the kitchen. “I’ve started us some dinner.”

“You did?” Kurt looked around. It looked like Adam’s kitchen was an entirely different room. This townhouse had to be paid for by someone who needed Adam on set here. It was incredibly nice.

“As fun as it might be to eat a whole cheesecake-”

“As you do,” Kurt said, taking off his coat.

“I though we could use with something more substantial first. Go ahead and hang that up.” Adam walked into the kitchen with the cheesecake. “I mean, why wait until you’re in a couple to have good things? I bought myself a cute stuffed animal.”

“You did.” Kurt smiled as he followed Adam. He could smell something good now. Chicken, likely, with garlic? Some kind of sauce.

Adam turned from the fridge and held a white plate with shrimp and sauce. The shrimp were arranged side by side, with the necks together in big arches and the tails coming to a point.

They were _little hearts_. Kurt laughed, deeply. Hard. He laughed so hard that he had to wipe tears from his eyes. Meanwhile, Adam grinned and blushed.

“That’s sweet,” Kurt managed after a while.

“Thank you.” Adam took one shrimp and bit it. “Just some appetizers. I saw this on a food blog and thought it was cute. Believe it or not, I was going to make this whether you were here or not, but I’m glad you got a laugh from it.”

“Glad you had someone to share your dinner with.”

“I’m glad you called.” Adam pressed a few buttons on the microwave. “So, I’ve got a timer for when I need to put the pasta on-”

Kurt felt himself flush at the way Adam said paast-a. Like Gordon Ramsey, or something.

“-and we can get started with the movies?”

“Yeah, sure… I don’t know that shrimp cocktail is going to go over that well with bloody horror, but…”

Adam chuckled and led the way to the sofa and television. “I didn’t know you watched horror movies.”

“I’ve gotten used to it. Blaine was always into all the shaky-camera, jump-scare movies. I think I developed a taste for a different kind of horror movie just out of self-defense.”

“Makes perfect sense.” Adam set the shrimp cocktail on the coffee table. “What’s on the docket? Oh, what would you like to drink? I’ve got tea. Champagne.”

“Ooo. Break out the bubbly.” Kurt put his movies down. “I have _Jennifer’s Body_ , _Ginger Snaps_ , _Teeth_ – a romantic favorite, that one– _Zombies of Mass Destruction_ , um, _Cabin in the Woods_.”

“I think I’m starting to get a better understanding of Kurt Hummel already.” Adam returned with two champagne flutes, each with a cut strawberry inside.

“Aww.”

“Right?” Adam handed Kurt his champagne. “Hit me with the bloody. I want to know what Kurt Hummel thinks makes for good Valentine’s Day viewing.”

Kurt put on _Jennifer’s Body_ first. Adam had to get up and down a few times, getting dinner ready, during which point Kurt paused the movie, but overall, Adam seemed to appreciate the movie. Kurt hadn’t realized how often he’d turned to watch Adam’s face until he bit his lip, paused it, and smiled over at Kurt.

“You’re judging me based on how I like this, aren’t you?”

“Aren’t you judging my taste?”

“Oh, darling, I already knew you had good taste. I just supposed this would be a bit violent for you.”

Kurt shrugged. “I don’t like splatter-horror, or torture-porn, or movies that are violent for the sake of violence, or rape-a-thons like _Game of Thrones_. But I can handle violence if the story has earned it. If it makes the story _better._ I mean, I like Sweeney Todd, and that’s just, blood _everywhere._ ”

“Good point. And _West Side Story_ isn’t all fluffy bunnies either. Or L _es Mis_. They’re in the middle of a war!”

Kurt bobbed his head. “So… Do you like it?”

“I’m… anxious. Do Jennifer and Needy get together?”

“Oh, honey.”

“That’s what I was afraid of.”

In spite of their asides and discussion throughout the movie, Kurt wasn’t prepared for Adam to tear up when Jennifer died. He went to the kitchen to pull out the chicken wiping his eyes, and then returned to perch over Kurt while the credits rolled and Needy enacted her revenge.

“ _Good_ ,” Adam said. “Die, you assholes.”

Kurt looked up to see Adam’s stern face. “I didn’t pick this to upset you.”

“I’m not more upset than I would be over something on the news, I’m just… They _started_ all of this. They ruined a dozen people’s lives doing this _awful_ thing to a girl. I don’t even blame her in the end. She was what they made her.”

“Yeah.” Kurt stood. “And it came back to them. They were only able to enjoy fame for a little while before what they did was revisited on them.”

“If only the real world were like that.” Adam rolled his eyes. “C'mon. I need to plate up before the pasta congeals.”

Kurt turned the movie off and followed Adam.

“Sorry to be so serious.” Adam laughed softly. “I’m being too literal. I wanted the girls to get to be happy! I’ll probably appreciate it more, the more I think about it.”

“I’ll let you borrow it. You can watch with the director and writer’s commentary.”

Adam picked up his tongs and nodded as he put the pasta on the plates. “I think I’d enjoy that.”

“I appreciate that you’re willing to think about it.”

“Why wouldn’t I? There are reasons you enjoy it, and I can see a few of them already. Led by a strong female cast. Strong emotions. Queer subtext, or rather, actual text at a few points.” Adam poured marinara sauce over the pasta, then plated a piece of chicken on top of each.

Chicken parmigiana. Kurt sucked in his lower lip.

“Can I do anything?”

“You can tell me all the other things you like about it, so I’ll know to look for them when I rewatch.”

Adam took the plates to his small dining table, and they sat across from one another, at first discussing the movie, and then eventually drifting to other films about girls who fought one another, with bloody results, like _Heathers, Mean Girls,_ and _Jawbreaker._

When a lull of silence spread between them, Kurt filled it with, “This is really good, Adam. Such a chef.”

“I can only make a few things, actually.”

“I’ve always loved your chicken parm,” Kurt admitted. “It’s even better than mine, and I use that recipe because it was my mom’s.”

“Yours is good, too.”

Kurt grimaced and shook his head. “It’s a little heavy, honestly. Yours has a good crisp, light breading without sacrificing the flavor.”

“I wish I could say it had as much sentimental value, but I got the recipe from an ex. Well… from a recipe book that I gave to an ex, which he in turn, never read.”

Kurt chuckled.

“We all have things leftover from old relationships, good and bad.” Adam swirled his fork around in the pasta. He’d finished the chicken, leaving half the spaghetti on his plate to play with.

“I guess.”

“Are you all right?”

Kurt made a scoffing noise.

“I’m really very glad you called.”

“This isn’t a date,” Kurt said sharply. He then pressed his lips together and covered them, as though he could stop his mouth from snapping unfairly at Adam.

“Oh, I’m aware.” Adam slouched back in his chair casually. “I would’ve dressed up more for a date.”

“Stop…” Kurt set his fork down and looked up at Adam. “Why aren’t you with someone tonight? You’re gorgeous, and _sweet_ , and _funny_. You should have someone.”

“I don’t need a relationship to validate myself. I’m with the person I care to be tonight. And if I weren’t with you right now, I’d be with myself, and I’m fine with that, too.”

“Are you? Because I don’t know why most of New York’s male population hasn’t pounced on you yet, or why all of the UK hasn’t tried to get in those shredded jeans of yours.”

“Well, that’s flattering. Are you counting straight men in that population as well?”

“You’d turn 'em,” Kurt said. He leaned on his hand, looking at Adam solemnly. “Am I… I know that the reason I’m not with someone right now is because I’m just destroyed. There are parts of my ex-husband _stuck_ inside me, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t even want him back anymore! But I’m still _stuck_ with his callous behavior, and our memories, and unfortunately, none of my damn furniture or my apartment. It’s like all the ugly stuff got stuck inside me when I was forced to pull away, and I can’t get it out.”

“Kurt…” Adam rose and walked over to Kurt’s side of the table.

“I didn’t do that to you, did I? I didn’t leave part of myself in you, and an ugly scar? I couldn’t stand it if I did-”

“You _didn’t_.” Adam took Kurt’s hand and squeezed it. “I’ve dated since you. And you didn’t treat me nearly so badly as you think. Not if you’re comparing yourself to Blaine.”

“I don’t know.”

“Would I like something to happen you and I? Of _course_! When and if you’re interested, Kurt, let me know. I’ll be with you in less than a heartbeat. But…” Adam waved a hand in front of him. “I also know that trying to _push_ you when you’re still hurting is a great way for us _both_ to get hurt. So I’m spending the evening with you, as friends, and gladly so. Your friendship is _not_ a consolation prize.” Adam breathed out softly. “I’m single right now, mostly owning to my work schedule, to be perfectly honest.”

“I’m working a lot, too.”

“That’s probably good. You can get a foot in the door for your career. Especially with _him_ out of your way.”

“It wasn’t intentional, but it feels like the only thing I really have control over.” Kurt put his other hand over Adam’s. “I keep seeing Blaine’s new fiancé everywhere, and it’s driving me insane! Why is he _everywhere_? Was he everywhere before, and I just didn’t notice him? Stupidly handsome twink.”

“He probably was everywhere. Blaine’s never been the most creative about his choices in cheating material. But hey, good for him this year. He gets to celebrate on the day of, rather than on Side-Piece Weekend.”

Kurt covered his mouth and tried not to laugh.

“I mean, really. I’m not going to talk badly about the child, but he got together with Blaine while he cheated on his husband, and now he’s going to be the husband and get cheated on. I wonder if afterward, he’ll say he never saw it coming.”

“I dunno. I married Blaine after he’d cheated on me. More than once. You always see it coming. You just.. You value yourself in a relationship more than you value yourself,” Kurt admitted.

“Then, it’s time that you started dating yourself, I think.”

“Like buying myself cute stuffed animals?”

Adam pointed at Kurt. “I’m going to show him to you, and you’re going to want to hug him all night.”

“What else would I hug?” Kurt watched Adam storm out of the room. “Bruce disappeared on me over a year ago.”

“Who’s Bruce?” Adam returned holding a big floppy purple octopus.

“Oh, my GOD, Adam.” Kurt came over to gape at the octopus.

“I haven’t named him yet.”

“Name him Adam Brody.”

Adam laughed. “Oh, darling!”

Kurt squeezed a long, fluffy tentacle.

“Who’s Bruce?” Adam asked again.

“Oh, that was just my boyfriend pillow. I bought him late at night while I was on Ambien. Both the drugs and Bruce used to be some of the only ways I could get to sleep. I think Blaine murdered him and hid the body somewhere.”

“That’s just… God. That _boy.”_ Adam handed Adam Brody the Octopus over to Kurt. “Give him a hug. I’ll put in the next movie.”

Kurt hugged the octopus tightly. It was so incredibly soft. He ought to buy one of these for himself. Something to grab during the night. Adam had the right idea. Store clerks didn’t know you were pathetically alone and buying for yourself. Not like those judgmental delivery guys, who always seemed to know, even on the phone, that you were ordering for yourself.

“What is _Teeth_ about?” Adam asked.

“Um, vagina dentata.”

“Vagina dentata,” Adam repeated, almost pensively. “What a _wonderful_ phrase.”

Kurt raised his brows.

  
“Vagina dentata,” Adam popped the case open.

“Ain’t no passin’ craaaaze,” Kurt sang, waving two of Adam Brody’s tentacles like they were jazz hands.

Adam bent over the DVD and crooned, “It’s no wiener, for the rest of your days. It’s a penis-free, girl-cavity! Vagina dentata!”

Kurt stared at him for a long moment. When Adam straightened back up and looked back at Kurt, Kurt pointed one of Adam Brody’s tentacles at him.

  
“That was _far_ too smooth for you to have come up with it on the spot, and Adam Brody and I _demand_ an explanation!”

“Come, boys. Sit with me, and I’ll tell you over the previews.”

Kurt settled back onto the sofa. Adam had been right. Kurt spent most of the rest of the night hugging Adam Brody tightly. For part of it, he was leaned up against Adam. For part, he let Adam massage his shoulders. But it didn’t progress further than that. They watched the movies, ate sinfully good cheesecake, drank champagne, and made some of the worst jokes known to humankind.

And it was easily the best Valentine’s Day that Kurt had ever spent.

**Author's Note:**

> The Vagina Dentata song is from an old webcomic called Queen of Wands.


End file.
